All Things Sad
by AddienaTheBlueSpirit
Summary: A collection of songfics and poems about Lavi leaving the Order. What will happen to the people he loves most? How does it affect him? Lavi felt a pang of guilt every time he didn't just let himself jump in front of the Akuma asking them to kill him.
1. Misery

***~*~*Misery*~*~***

**By **

**AddienaRoxUnlessYourFang**

**Disclaimer: I, Addiena, own nothing at all. Not even the annoying Characters I've taken hostage in my attic. Anyway here's Misery.**

Misery.

That's in their eyes as they watch you walk away.

The Feeling in you're…

Well…

The feeling you have as you do…

Because you don't have a heart.

Do you?

You can't possibly,

You ARE walking AWAY after all.

You can't have a heart and still walk AWAY from these miserable people.

No.

That's wrong, too.

Not MISTERABLE people.

Good people.

Kind people.

Loving people.

Soon to be forgotten people.

Not miserable people.

Amazing people that you're making miserable…

By WALKING AWAY.

But that's not really you.

Is it?  
That's not really you because you were Deke, Eric, Marshall and the Bookmen know who else first.

No.

That's not YOU walking away from these people who are miserable at the thought of you leaving.

That's just Lavi.

It's just the person they think you are…

Or THOUGHT you WERE.

That's the person they're really going to miss.

That's who they really see walking away,

The one who's really that misery in their eyes.

It's Lavi.

It's just another fake you walking away from another home.

Another family.

Life.

Story.

Comrade.

Best friend.

Name.

But that's you're Secret History…

Isn't it?

Misery.

That's what they'll remember most about you.

Or Lavi.

Or whoever you are.

Or were.

They'll remember how you walked out of their lives…

How you WALKED AWAY looking completely miserable.

That's what they'll remember

More than your laugh.

Your smile.

That fun loving way you went about doing things.

That playfully devious look in your eyes.

The way you did whatever would annoy them most…

As if having you leave would be made easier by it.

The effortless way you would fight.

No.

That's not what they'll remember.

They'll remember you the way you WALKED OUT of their lives…

In Misery.

Longing to stay.

Ready to leave.

Looking over your shoulder.

Wishing you hadn't.

Because you lock eyes with each and every one of them

And every one of them sees you how you see them…

In complete and total…

Misery.

And you hate it.

Don't you?

These people once meant something to you.

Didn't they?

Don't try to hide it.

Forget about your "training".

Is that really what you want to be?

These people are hurting.

Suffering.

Miserable.

Because of you.

Is that what you want?

To cause these people's pain?

Maybe you ARE meant to be a Bookman.

If you truly are okay with being heartless,

And causing so many people to feel this

Misery.


	2. Temporary Home

Temporary Home

A D. Gray-Man Song-Fic

Sitting on the train to his latest mission as an Exorcist, Lavi looked back at his life and wondered what people would think if they knew his story.

If his "friends" would still think of him the same way if they heard about his past. Thinking back on his life, he wondered if _he_ thought the same of himself now as he would if he'd had a different life. As he stared at the scenery passing by, memories came back.

**Little boy, 6 years old  
A little too used to being' alone.  
Another new name and town, another school,  
another house that'll never be home.  
When people ask him how he likes this place...  
He looks up and says, with a smile upon his face,  
**

He knew this was his story.

Always changing lives.

49 Identities in 18 years.

Lavi knew this was a broken life. A messed up, unorthodox life. He felt it in his heart that this was wrong and yet he knew there was no way out and he began to remind himself of that sad truth.

Unaware that his comrades were awaking he said,

_**"This is my temporary home  
It's not where I belong.  
Windows and rooms that I'm passing' through.  
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going.  
I'm not afraid because I know this is my  
Temporary Home."**_

The train stopped and the Exorcists went to work, but Lavi stared out from beneath his red hair and wondered. 'What am I doing?'

He had never quite been so sure that he wanted to give up in his life. The sudden realization that he would have to leave again, it bothered him.

Because he knew he'd have to leave soon.

**Young man on his own.  
Needs a little help, soon he'll have to go.  
He's looking' for a life, looking' for a way out,  
because a Bookman will never have a true home.  
At night he whispers to no one at all,  
"I'll never find my place here in this world."**

As he fought with the other exorcists against the attacks, Lavi felt a pang of guilt every time he didn't just let himself jump in front of the Akuma asking them to kill him.

As he was in the heat of battle he cried out.

_**"This was my temporary home!"**_

He destroyed one of the Akuma attacking him.

_**"It was not where I belonged!"**_

Another five Akuma were destroyed.

_**"Windows and rooms that I'm passing' through." **_

Twenty more.

_**"This was just a stop, on the way to where I'm going." **_

Another Forty-five.

_**"I'm not afraid because I know"**_

Yet another 50.

"_**This was my Temporary Home."  
**_

When he was finished fighting he got the word from the other survivors, and Lavi began to cry.

Now there was no escape.

"Panda!" he screamed, running into the infirmary.

**Old man, hospital bed,  
the room is filled with people he'd known.  
And he whispers "don't cry for me,  
I'll see you all someday."  
He looks up and says, "I can see God's face." **

Lavi was begging inside that he was being dramatic.

He didn't want the old Panda to die.

If he did than that meant Lavi would be trapped in the role of emotionless Bookman forever.

As if reading Lavi's mind Bookman said his last words.

_**"This is your temporary Home  
it's not where you belong.  
Windows and rooms that you're passing' through.  
This was just a stop, on the way to where you're going.  
Don't be afraid because you know... **_

_**This was**__**your temporary home."**_**  
**

After Bookman was dead and gone…nothing more than a pile of ash, Lavi no longer cried.

He finally felt anything at all, and it was all over because after all the Order was nothing to a bookman aside from a history that needed recording.

And he packed his bags and left without as much as good-bye.

Because…

**That was his temporary home.**


End file.
